Over the last few months, I’ve had a few realizations after reflecting on my relationships with others.
One night, I laid awake til 5am remembering how I would lend friends hundreds of dollars,
Only for them to disappear from my life.
I was okay with it, because I lent the money with the expectation that I’d never see it returned.
But this pattern pointed to something deeper…
I always valued helping other people.
But where’s the line between helping and enabling?
Would my friends have been better off if I taught them how to invest their money, rather than spend it?
Helping vs enabling habits
To explore when helping someone becomes enabling their bad habits,
I reflected on my childhood.
I’ve always felt a bit ashamed that I couldn’t speak fluent Mandarin,
Despite being Taiwanese.
But when I was a kid, I would cry for hours so I wouldn’t have to go to Chinese school.
So to “help” me,
My parents let me quit so I could spend my time doing what I wanted (scrolling on Tumblr).
Looking back, I wish my parents had been a bit stricter...
Maybe then I wouldn’t have to mumble “sorry” every time someone asked if I spoke Mandarin.
The longer term view
So when I look at my daily habits now, I’m thinking:
Am I helping my future self, or enabling myself?
Questions like these help me see that my habits are non-negotiable for me:
No matter how busy I am, or how tired I am -
I’ll always make time (just 5-10 mins) before bed to get my habits done.
For example, every day I take 1 min to practice reading sheet music (interactive app called NoteVision, it’s iOS only).
By the end of the month, I was shocked at how much I remembered.
It was the same for reading Mandarin -
Every day, I spent less than 5 mins reading a fun, easy story.
Now, after 2-3 months, I’m shocked at how much I understand.
Even my mom was impressed that I could read her texts.
What you can do today
Here are some other reasons why my habits are non-negotiable every day:
I have a streak (accountability - I’m pressured not to break it)
It’s so easy and fast to do (less than 5 mins and interactive)
It’s fun, so I look forward to it (usually it’s interesting and an app on my phone so I can do it from bed)
What are some ways you can make your habits:
Accountable
Easy / fast
Fun
For example, when I wanted to exercise more regularly, I:
Added it to my streak counter
Made a workout plan that only took 30 min
Turned it into a cute Notion page with checkmarks so I felt satisfied when I completed it
Or when I wanted to post more regularly, I:
Added it to my streaks and started a posting challenge w other people on Discord so we all had to check in
Had a bunch of pre-made drafts I filmed when I was super motivated
Posted about topics I was passionate talking about
Now it’s your turn!
Hit reply and let me know how you’ll make a habit:
More accountable
Easy / fast
Fun
If you reply, you’ll be more committed and hopefully become more motivated to start the habit today!
I’ll look forward to reading your replies 🫶
How was today's email?
Til next time,
Jennifer
