ADHD isn’t just distractibility and hyperactivity…
Sometimes, it shows up as having a mind that spirals, thinking:
“If someone told me they disagree with me, it means I made a terrible mistake and they hate me”
“If someone suggests a way for me to improve, it means I’m never good enough and I should quit everything and run away”
These thought patterns show up in how we talk to ourselves too:
“If I can’t do a task that’s easy for everyone else, there’s something wrong with me (I’m lazy) and I don’t deserve success”
“If I can’t even stay consistent and keep failing, it means I should stop trying and just accept I’m a lazy, unorganized person”
Today I’m sharing key cognitive distortions and biases to recognize so you can empower yourself and live a life you’re proud of.
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All or nothing thinking
My therapist vibe checks me on this every session (oops there’s my all or nothing thinking again).
Examples:
EVERYONE hates me
NOTHING in my life is going well
My friend is late EVERY time
My partner NEVER does the dishes
I used to think it was just me being dramatic, but this way of thinking was actually hurting me and making my reality seem worse than it was.
Things I try to think instead:
I feel scared that my email subscribers no longer find my content useful because I’ve gotten 26 unsubscribes in the last month (specific number, naming feeling)
In the last 2 days, I felt discouraged because I can name 3 things that did not happen according to my expectations (specific and realistic, no exaggerations)
The last 3 times we hung out, my friend arrived 10 minutes later than the agreed time (clear observable evidence, not making a judgment on friend’s identity)
Last week, my partner did the dishes only 20% of the time (clear observation, no exaggerations)
This helps things feel less bleak, and I’m able to have more objective / clear discussions rather than feeling upset and saying things I regret.
Over-justification
This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I notice that the more I try to explain my perspective, the less the other person understands.
Example:
“You don’t get it, I didn’t have time to do the dishes because I had a really busy day at work and I had other things to do when I got home. I didn’t even have time to look at the sink and notice there were dishes to be done - if I had seen that, I would’ve scheduled some time to do it later.”
When I’m justifying myself like this, my intention is to show the other person that their concern actually isn’t something to be worried about.
I want to reassure them that the dishes would’ve been done if I only saw them.
But from their perspective, it feels invalidating and defensive - like their concern was brushed away with excuses.
This shows up in the way I talk to myself too:
“I can’t post more content right now because I need to research what hooks are working well, and put everything in a spreadsheet, and also come up with content pillars, and I don’t have time right now so if I actually had 3 hours over the weekend I would’ve done it. It’s just I’m busy and sleep-deprived right now.”
This way of thinking keeps me overwhelmed and I feel terrible about myself - because I knew I wanted something, but kept dismissing myself and justifying the reasons I couldn’t do it.
To improve, I started noting down when this would happen:
When I say more than 2 sentences to “explain” something to protect my image or ego
When I start listing more than 2 steps or dependencies I need to get done before I can start on a task
Then, I kinda vibe check myself and ask:
“Is this line of reasoning helping or hurting me right now?”
Because when I feel the urge to defend myself, I can easily just put it in a journal, get it out of my system, and then say something more productive / constructive to move the conversation forward.
Emotional reasoning → impulsive decisions
When I fall into all-or-nothing thinking and over-justification, I tend to make poor decisions.
Examples:
“Omg everyone hates me” (all-or-nothing thinking)
“So I should just quit everything and delete my content” (emotional reasoning leading to impulsive decision)
“Nothing is working in my content because I have no time and no skills, I’m so stuck” (all-or-nothing thinking, over-justification)
“So I should spend $$$ on something expensive to make me feel better and get (temporary) happiness” (emotional reasoning → impulsive decision)
In the moment, the decisions feel right.
But days or weeks later, I lie in bed wondering why I did that.
“That was irresponsible of me,” I’d think.
Then I’d go further down the shame spiral, assuming that 1 decision I regret means I’m a terrible person who can’t live life properly.
What I try to do now is “sleep on it” - I’ll tell people (or myself) that I need to wait a few days before getting back to them, otherwise I’d overcommit and get overwhelmed.
Most of the time, the things that feel truly aligned with my values and purpose will continue to feel exciting.
But the rest? I’ll just end up saying no - which saves me time and energy.
(Lowkey that’s the real productivity hack lol…understanding yourself enough to have boundaries, not “saving time” so you can do more. It’s about getting to the root cause of the issue cuz even if you work faster and faster, you’ll just keep overcommitting more and more.)
If you found this relatable…
You’re not alone.
And there’s nothing “wrong” with thinking this way - it’s what makes us human.
But if these thoughts are constantly leading to pain for you, it’s worth examining why.
Isn’t it exciting and fun to be alive and go through these journeys of improvement?
At least that’s how I like to think about it, otherwise I’d end up feeling so depressed all the time 💀
Hope today’s email helped!
Make sure to leave feedback in the poll below so I can improve my writing every week too 🫶
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Til next time,
Jennifer
