When students in my course mention perfectionism, it’s always in the context of work.

“I procrastinate because of perfectionism, I need my work to be perfect.”

But having this mindset can actually impact other areas of your life too.

I shed so many tears over the years before I realized this…

My fear of being “imperfect”

I always held myself to a high standard (eldest daughter of immigrant family vibes??).

When I inevitably failed at something, I tried to hide it.

I was scared other people would see me as less competent,

Which meant they wouldn’t like me anymore.

So in a way, I was used to hiding, dismissing, and rejecting myself before other people even had a chance to.

I thought that was the way to be productive.

Why waste time talking about my feelings when I could just get things done instead?

And while that made me an academic weapon and productive business owner,

It also led to dysfunctional relationships…

How perfectionism impacted my relationships

If you’ve been following my content for a while, you’ll know my Halloween story.

Halloween 2023, I was so sad because I wasn’t invited to any parties.

I had a big group of friends.

But I still felt so alone…

So in 2024, I made more of a conscious effort to reach out to people.

Now, in 2025, I can say I’ve fostered some of the most enriching and deep friendships I’ve ever had in my life.

But how did I get here?

It wasn’t just by asking people to hang out more.

It was by being more vulnerable.

I used to think I was a burden for sharing my struggles with others.

When people asked if I was okay, I’d repress my feelings and say yes…

Because I wanted to hide all my flaws.

I had to be “perfect.”

But I remember one time, a friend sent me his diary entry.

It was full of his raw, authentic, vulnerable thoughts.

He sent it to me because he was going through a tough time and needed someone to understand him.

And I felt so touched that he trusted me enough to share his fears and insecurities.

Then I realized…

I’m depriving people of that same chance of getting to know me -

All sides of me, not just the “good” side.

And my habit of dismissing the “bad” feelings because they weren’t “perfect”?

It actually hurt me even more…

Because the most important relationship of all

Is my relationship with myself.

I spent my entire life trying to please others by telling them I was okay when I wasn’t.

But when I did that, it became a habit.

If I felt upset, I’d immediately repress it - even if no one was around.

If I had a problem, I’d immediately dismiss or ignore it - even if it had consequences for my future.

These habits meant I didn’t even understand myself.

But like last week’s email said…

I don’t want to live a life dictated by fear.

I don’t want to live a life for other people.

I want to be the best person I can be,

Which starts with understanding myself.

It starts with being honest about how I’m feeling - especially when I make mistakes.

So when I started being more vulnerable, admitting my mistakes, sharing my failures…

Most people reacted in a way I didn’t expect:

With kindness.

And even when they didn’t

(I had someone tell me they were disappointed in me),

I discovered that it didn’t really upset me,

Because I knew it didn’t make me a bad person…

Just a person who’s brave enough to be honest.

Til next time,

Jennifer